When I was working with my marketing team building out our website, I spoke with one of my hiring managers and asked them, “Why do you like working with me?” I asked the question because I wanted the website to be a direct reflection of who we were as a recruiting agency. They told me, “You’re honest, ethical, and don’t play games!” Although I should have been ecstatic that who I am as a person shines through, I was taken aback. All I could think of was, “What the hell is going on in my industry, that honesty and ethics actually set me apart?”

I’m concerned that some recruiters don’t understand the awesome responsibility we have to make or break people’s lives. Companies can always find another butt to put in a seat, but being short staffed may mean a hiring manager misses her child’s soccer game or music recital. A missed a paycheck for a candidate could be the difference between a roof over someone’s head and homelessness. That is the reality of our job. It’s our job to make people’s live better not worse.

As recruiters we get so excited when we finally find that unicorn that can do the job that we forget to ask, “should they do it?” Do we pay attention to the hellfire we could be unleashing by placing a particular person at a particular company? Do we ask ourselves is this a situation that we should pull the plug no matter how good the candidate is, or how good the company is, because together they are a cultural disaster?

Ethics in recruiting is one of those phrases that sounds like it belongs on a church sign or a mildly threatening fortune cookie: “Do good, and you won’t be haunted by the ghost of Christmas past” But as someone who’s spent more hours than I care to admit juggling client expectations, candidate dreams, and my rapidly deteriorating inbox, I can tell you that ethical recruiting isn’t just a feel-good slogan — it’s a survival strategy. Here’s how to work for both client and candidate without becoming a villain in either biography.

First rule: be honest. Radical concept, I know. Honesty in recruiting means telling clients what they need to hear — not only what they want to hear — and telling candidates what they need to hear — not only what they want to hear. You wouldn’t recommend a tuxedo to someone attending a backyard barbecue (unless you’ve met my in-laws), so don’t place a candidate who’s allergic to micromanagement into a role that’s basically a surveillance sitcom. Your job is matchmaking, not fantasy casting.

For clients: spell out expectations. If your client wants a unicorn who codes in Python, speaks six languages, and is willing to work weekends for the sheer joy of it, write it down. Then, with a kind but firm tone, explain that “unicorn” is a mythical creature and provide alternatives: “We can find you an exceptional developer with X years of experience and excellent cultural fit, but they might require a salary consistent with market rates and occasional weekends away from Netflix.” Give them realistic timelines. Set boundaries on scope creep. And for the love of all things holy, ask about the approval process. There’s nothing more fun than presenting a perfect candidate only to be told the hiring manager is on a three-week silent meditation retreat.

For candidates: transparency is your friend. Tell them about the role’s real reporting structure, the honest day-to-day, and the perks that are actually perks (yes, ping-pong tables do not count as “flexible working”). Be upfront about compensation bands. If a candidate expects $200k but the client is offering $120k, say it plainly. Then, if you have wiggle room, talk strategy: “Here’s how to make your case for more pay. Here’s what can be flexible.” Candidates appreciate candor; it’s a rare commodity that builds trust faster than LinkedIn endorsements.

Dual representation is the tightrope of recruiting — thrilling if you like heights, terrifying if you like ethics. When you represent both the client and the candidate, your allegiance must be to fairness. You cannot advocate for the client to pay less while simultaneously promising the candidate they’ll get top-market compensation. You also can’t omit that the client’s engineering manager has a reputation for micromanaging and then leave the candidate surprised that their calendar is being shared like a family iCloud.

So how do you manage this? Think of yourself as the impartial referee of a very polite wrestling match. Communicate both sides’ positions. Don’t ghost either party. Get consent before sharing information. For example, if a client asks for the candidate’s current compensation, ask the candidate if they’re comfortable sharing it and, if not, offer alternatives: salary bands, desired range, or total compensation expectations. Consent isn’t just ethical — it’s legally sensible in many jurisdictions, and it preserves trust.

Next: confidentiality. Candidates confide in you like you’re a recruiter-therapist hybrid. They’ll tell you about interview flubs, counteroffers, and how they once used a “sick day” to binge-watch an entire season of something they later regretted. Keep that privileged information to yourself. If a client pressures you for every last detail, diplomatically refuse. A client who bullies you for candidate specifics is probably the same client who will ask for references three days after an offer — and then wonder why the candidate ran for the hills.

Negotiations are where the rubber meets the resume. Here, ethical behavior looks like clear communication, reasonable advocacy, and realistic expectations. When negotiating offers, don’t play candidates off against each other in a way that’s misleading. Don’t inflate competing offers to pressure a client. Conversely, don’t lowball a candidate because “that’s what the market will bear” without explaining why. If a candidate gets an offer and a counteroffer, give them space to decide. Provide pros and cons, not ultimatums. Your job isn’t to force a marriage; it’s to officiate a potential partnership.

Timing is everything. If you’ve submitted a candidate to a client, keep the candidate updated. If you told a candidate an interview would be scheduled within a week, follow up at the end of that week with an update — even if it’s, “No news yet, but I’m chasing.” Silence corrodes trust faster than working every weekend corrodes office morale.

Feedback is another ethical currency. Give clients candid feedback on candidate fit, and give candidates real feedback after interviews. Don’t hide behind cryptic phrases like “not the right fit.” Specify what went well and what didn’t. That helps candidates improve and helps clients refine their brief. Constructive feedback is kindness disguised as practicality.

Then there’s the delightful subject of counteroffers. When a candidate gets a counteroffer from their current employer, stay neutral? No. Stay supportive. Help the candidate weigh options. Remind them that counteroffers can sometimes paper over deeper issues that won’t vanish — culture problems, growth plateaus, or that one boss who has strong feelings about Slack pings. Make sure the client understands why a candidate might still accept a counteroffer, and discuss contingency plans respectfully.

Documentation is dull but heroic. Keep written records of agreements, expectations, and key communications. If there’s ever confusion later — and there will be confusion later — your notes will be your cape. Contracts should be clear on exclusivity, replacement guarantees, and fees. Don’t rely on verbal promises. The sticky note on your monitor with “Call back” is not legally binding (I checked).

Finally, remember that recruiting is human work. Treat everyone like a person, not a data point. Celebrate wins with both parties. If someone accepts an offer, send a congratulations that’s more than an emoji and less than a parade. If a search fails, offer graceful closure and help with next steps. Reputation is everything in this business; being ethical is great for your soul and excellent for your long-term pipeline.

To summarize (because I know your attention span peaked at “unicorn”): be honest, be transparent, get consent, protect confidentiality, document decisions, and treat clients and candidates with equal parts respect and common sense. Recruit ethically, and you’ll sleep better, keep better clients, and have candidates who send you referral emails that begin, “You will not believe who I met…”

And if you ever feel tempted to mislead either side just to get a placement, ask yourself this: will this decision make the candidate happier, the client more successful, and keep my moral compass pointing north? If the answer is “no,” take the scenic detour. It’s longer, but the view is better — and you won’t have to explain yourself in a LinkedIn post someday.

Ethical recruiting isn’t just the right thing to do. It’s the profitable, sustainable, and frankly less dramatic thing to do. That said, occasionally a little drama makes for a great story at the office holiday party — but only the kind where everyone leaves employed and happy.